Okay, I feel silly having an adoption blog, when there's nothing happening related to an adoption... Not even close. But I do want to document some steps along the way, while we wait (and wait, and wait) to start our family.
So... my baby sister is pregnant. I knew it was coming. But it still hurts. Because we're still so far off from our own family. Because she's our back-up as a surrogate if adoption isn't the right choice when the time comes (and really, how dare she not keep her life on hold, while we wait?? -- does sarcasm come across in a blog?). Because she'll get to tell our parents that they'll be grandparents. Because holidays will change to be all about their baby... with no baby in sight for us. Because I hate that I'm jealous when I just be so thrilled for them -- and I AM thrilled, but so very jealous too. I know Sis could tell that I wasn't as exuberantly enthused as she'd hoped, but I hope she understands that this will be difficult for me (Sis is one of a very few who knows that we tried to conceive in 2008) and that I'm trying to be upbeat. I did force myself and J into a BRU to buy cute lil socks and an I-Love-My-Aunt frame for the little baby-to-be. Then cried.
In the meantime, I will try to focus on the positives. I'm thankful that we won't be with my family this Thanksgiving when the big announcement will be made to the new grandparents. Maybe that'll give them time to calm down before Christmas?? Also, in August I started a job that I love, which confirms that this is the profession for me. And it keeps me so busy that I have very little time to feel bad for myself. Now we need to work on getting J's phd and a job he loves, hopefully in this area. Oh, and J's feeling better for now, so although he's still on medication that prevents us from getting pregnant, we're so very grateful that he finally feels better.
So life's not bad, but I do often wish we had a kiddo to share this life with... Someday...
Someday. Being a mother... is being a mother. No matter how you become a mother and no matter how old or how big your child may be when you become a mother. I wish you the very best. I am sure the pain and disappointment you feel is very real. I remember after having six bio children and then having to have a hysterectomy. Though I was already a mother, the pain from having the choice taken away from me was very real at the time. Big hugs.
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